Let us be cool

The sudden infraction of unwritten yet understood rules by spinach in not adhering to the time bound plan that was agreed upon by all the ingredients of the green salad has infuriated the lettuce no end. It is understandable why this green leafy vegetable's ego has been completely deflated by this irreverent behavior displayed by the member of the amaranthaceae family . As the base of any self respecting green salad it is only fair that lettuce should have the first right to be contaminated with any kind of coli and thus cause a stir among the general populace. Then the lesser players can certainly follow suit. So when this upstart of an ingredient jumped the line and stole the thunder off of lettuce, it was raving mad. After all who even likes spinach in their salad.

On the other hand, this cold blooded scheme of all things green and leafy has left the waist lines of my gabby female colleagues peering out. Staple 'salad and soup' lunches are now being substituted by extra cheese burgers and low fat yogurt for dessert. Their wardrobes also show signs of change with figure hugging pants giving way to skirts with more give. It is definitely not a good sight.

Celebrities have also been antagonised . Take Olive Oyl for instance. She is pretty peeved with the fact that Popeye can no longer protect her modesty from Bluto. In his defence, Popeye was never naturally superhuman, nor was he a big fan of the smell. He can only look forward to the FDA's next press release and hope they sound the all clear on his favorite food soon.

In such times of confusion and distress, we should discourage rumor mongering, heed the various public service announcements and try to keep our cool.